Depression or Bipolar

2010 was an amzaing year! I was able to complete my fundraising commitment of 1,400 to the Team To End Aids training program and ran about half the marathon on a hot day, which was pretty good for me. Went to Vegas several times this year and went to the Southern Carribbean which was heavenly!  I even had a few dates... yes romantic ones.

As 2010 turns into 2011, I visit my family in Las Vegas.  I am extremely goal focused on making these really cute blankets.  Every hour, every minute is spent on making the super cute blankets.  I sleep a limited number of hours, shop for fleece material every spare moment I have, and talk about making blankets like there is no tomorrow.  My family may have noticed something was up, they didn't tell me, until after I had left. 

Here comes the depression, after visiting my family in Mississippi.  More Celexa is the answer.  We're up to the therapuetic dose.  Let's try another medication... I get worse, not better.  My dad is ill and I'm having to take responsibility for his health updates with kidney failure from Chicago, 4 hours away from him.  I go visit about 4 times; the most I can while I'm dealing with my own issues.  More antidepressants... We tried a number of medications to get this treated and gone.... Abilify, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Remeron, Ambien to help with sleep, and I had a reaction to most. I'm currently on the Celexa at 60 mg, and Remeron at 30 mg. And no more Abilify and Wellbutrin.


I'm shopping for things that I don't need!  I'm talking super fast, focused on making a successful school check out library, buy airplane tickets to Philadelphia out of nowhere.... wait airplane tickets?  The Thursday before my birthday I told my pdoc about my spontaneous purchase that day... He gives me a quick bipolar test questionaire verbally and diagnoses me that day, saying he had suspected bipolar in the past, but was hesitant to say anything.  He says I'm bipolar 2 and immediately starts me on some bipolar medications.

 

In the early hours of my 36th birthday, I'm having trouble sleeping and doing lots of thinking, of course with "Married With Children" on TV in the background, shows how much real thinking I'm doing in these early hours.

At approximately 1:36am, after 33 hours of labor, my mom gave birth to me in 1975. I've had some hard birthdays, 25 and 35. I've had some easy birthdays 21, 30, 34, 36, etc. But this one is both easy and hard. Easy because of the number, but hard because of life.

I make it no secret that I have depression. I am very fortunate to be able to do so and telling people has been such a rewarding experience that I don't think it's a bad thing anymore. I think it's ok for people to wrap their heads around these things today than it was back in the day. Now, I've been struggling with depression for the past few months. I had been on Celexa 20mg. Last depression was 2 years ago and the doctor and I were going to try to taper it down. I had gotten it down to 20mg from 40mg and the depression feelings came back, hard.

So, here I am 2 years later from diagnosis and I wonder, should I say anything?  Depression was nothing compared to Bipolar Disorder.  I've been wondering if I should tell my employer so that I can get accommodations if I need them.  Most of the time, I am fine... but there are some days when I just can't concentrate or get something turned in on time.  Do I ask for extended time? I mean, my boss is sick himself.  I think he would be understanding about everything and I wouldn't use it all the time.  I think my big thing is that in order to ask for some leeway, I will need to disclose that I am bipolar. 

No more Zoloft or Abilify, please!

About a month ago, I was taking Zoloft at 25mg to keep me from going into a depression.  Sure enough, the Zoloft sent me into a hypomanic state. I knew I had been stressed already and got a UTI.  The urologist gave me Levaquin, which usually works for me, but this time it gave me the side effect of depression.  So back up on the Zoloft to counteract the Levaquin. On top of that, my pdoc wanted to control the small rapid cycles that I have been having. So we started Abilify.  I had strong reservations for this, because of the last time I had taken Abilify and my reaction then.  He didn't give me the full 10mg dose, because I am so sensitive to medication and how my body reacts to how I treat it.  I was taking 5mg for 2 weeks and didn't see a difference, but Zoloft had been tapered down and I was only on Abilify and Lithium 1200mg.  Seroquel 100mg as needed at night.  After an increase of Abilify to 7.5mg, I became insanely irritated with everyone!  The kids, my sister, coworkers, etc!  I was on that for 3 days and got off as soon as my pdoc told me to.  Currently, I'm in a depression, although I've been hypomanic in the past few days.  I'm glad I'm in this depression so that it will slow me down.  I was getting way too excited about back to school and it's only June! 

Current meds: Lithium 1200mg, Seroquel 100mg as needed (which I've needed every single night), Synthroid 250mmg (down 25mmg), Vitamin D 5000 IU

Going up

These past few weeks have sent me into a slightly hypo manic state.  I was taking a small dose of Zoloft and with my body being so sensitive to small changes of medicine.  Now, I'm taking 200 mg of Seroquel to help counter the hypo mania.    Many things are contributing to this episode.  First, the end of the school year is near.  It is a busy time already, I've added my own goal directed activity of completing curriculum maps for my subject area.  Additionally I'm cleaning the house because my mom is coming to visit, which always throws a wrench into my moods.  

Been a while

Haven't posted in forever! Slowly learning to live with bipolar, but its still hard. I'm constantly wondering if I'm heading into a manic or depressive episode. I've only had 1 depressive episode this year. Not sure when the other shoe is going to drop and I'll have to deal with a manic period. When it happens I will deal with it like I always do. But this time if I'm taking Zyprexa, I'll have to figure out public transportation. I am too sleepy to drive with that medication. I actually got into an accident because I fell asleep at the wheel. I've got to be responsible too.
Last year about this time I was in an accident that changed my life. A man ran a red light and I smashed into him head-on. I honked my horn for him to see me, but he didn't. My right wrist was broken immediately. I went to the hospital and it was confirmed a colles fracture. I went to an orthopedic surgeon and scheduled the surgery for the following week. I had a titanium plate screwed into my bones I was in a cast for a week and then into a plastic splint. Life was difficult last summer as I was rehabilitating my arm, looking for a job, and having a summer vacation. It wasn't much of one.
All back to normal except for a few pain spots on my wrist. I was in close contact with my pdoc during that time.
Medications that I am taking now: 1200 mg lithium, 50 mg lamictal, and 275mg levothyroxin (synthroid)

Guess that's all for now!
Hg