For the past few days, I've been hypomanic. I felt it over the weekend and then definitely on Monday. The reason why this episode came about is because I had tried Geodon to see if that would help raise and/or help stabilize my mood. Well, here I am up high. I'm feeling very productive, talking quite a bit, and jumping from one idea to another. For example, I started about 3 hours ago getting ready for my interview on the 28th of June. I wrote down some questions that I might ask and some that they might ask me so that I could be prepared for some questions, I grabbed my writing disk that I made 4 years ago, and then I started looking for the scholastic teacher appreciation sale online as well as Hal Higdon's 8 weeks to a 10K, and looked online for a stained glass window class. Talk about flight of ideas!
Today, my psychiatrist told me that my vitamin D levels are very low and that my TSH level is high, which indicates that I need adjustment to my levothyroxine. I started taking 5,000 IUs of Vitamin D3. I also started taking Lithium on Thursday. I will have my first level labs done on Tuesday. This is not an easy illness, making sure that all people know what is going on and making sure all my doctors are communicating with each other. Finally, the internist and psychiatrist are going to talk to each other on Friday. We'll see how that goes.
So, as we know bipolar is genetic, I finally told my mom that I saw alot of her in the symptom lists. She actually agreed! But, I know she's not going to do anything about it even though she should. So many relationships and friendships have been ruined because of her bipolarness.
Anyway, short note, I'm tired and still have to look at that writing cd before I go to bed, like I was intending to do about 2.5 hours ago!
Abby
Friday, June 17, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Limo Clue chase
Initially for my birthday, I had scheduled a limosuine clue chase through a local educational company. That limo chase was cancelled. Today was the rescheduled event. I didn't know how many people would be there, and how many of my friends would be there. I was very apprehensive about going and having almost no energy. I made myself go because I felt it was important that I go in case one of my friends showed up. I arrived early and went to eat at Pockets nearby. Still feeling like I had no energy, but excited about the adventure ahead, I ate and then went to the facility where we would be starting our race.
We had a perfect day for the race. We only had one limo and we were one team (there were 8 of us). The other six knew each other. One person was new to the group and me. We had so much fun! I'm glad I went. The clue chase is definitely going to be something that I recommend people to do if they have some free time. We really whirled around the city and people stared as we were running around gathering clues!
My mood definitely lifted after half an hour with the other seven. I proved myself to be a trustworthy team mate. I even found some clues on my own, even solving some before we arrived! Definitely a fun time!
We had a perfect day for the race. We only had one limo and we were one team (there were 8 of us). The other six knew each other. One person was new to the group and me. We had so much fun! I'm glad I went. The clue chase is definitely going to be something that I recommend people to do if they have some free time. We really whirled around the city and people stared as we were running around gathering clues!
My mood definitely lifted after half an hour with the other seven. I proved myself to be a trustworthy team mate. I even found some clues on my own, even solving some before we arrived! Definitely a fun time!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Since Diagnosis
Since I've been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, I've looked for current blogs or personal stories about others living with the disorder. I have not found any that are current, most stories are from 2007 or 2008 and those people are not updating their blogs anymore. So, what I'm going to do is try to keep a current blog that helps to explain my Bipolar Disorder in hopes of helping other newly diagnosed people that they are not alone. I'll probably open up this blog to be public, which is a huge step for me, but in terms of helping others I think it needs to be done.
Since my diagnosis, I've read almost every single book written about Bipolar. I'm trying to follow the steps that are encouraged that help manage this disorder. It's been a whirlwind since I have been diagnosed of trying to figure out life with this life long disorder. Not that I'm worried that I won't be able to live with this, but how to effectively manage and live my life the fullest that I can. Sometimes, I do feel very depressed, this is more often than not. I also have periods of extreme hyperness (hypomanic) which happens every once in a while, but does happen especially when I'm feeling really good and have recieved tons of good news.
My story is this: I was first diagnosed as depressed almost 10 years ago. I was extremely depressed and was brought into the emergency room of the hospital. I had already made an appointment with a psychiatrist for January 11. It was now December 26 and winter break. I had a good 2 week wait before I could get in to see him, with nothing much to do during break. So, going into the emergency room and being admitted to the hospital was a good thing. The ER doctor had a few suggestions for me: go home with an appointment with a psychiatrist earlier than January 11 or to be admitted to the hospital for depression. I was suicidal and telling everyone to leave the house. One roommate I kicked out that night! He came back, during the time that I was in the hospital and I later apologized for doing that to him. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a week and a half. I met some interesting people in the hospital. At that time, the hospital saved my life. It kept me busy during the break with activities and I was well supervised as I was taking my first doses of medicine, Celexa. After nearly 6 days, I started to feel like my old self and more relaxed and able to be around people. I was discharged from the hopsital with 3 days left before school started again. I walked home, we lived about half a mile from the hospital. And had my first appointment with the psychiatrist that I met on January 11 and I am still seeing him today, nearly 10 years later.
Since that inital diagnosis of depression, I've had several (2) recurring episodes of depression. I would take my medicine for approximately 2 years, and then gradually stop them, with supervision. They would always come on for seemingly no reason, but I would feel the depression and not be able to do much at all. I lost concentration, could not problem solve, had issues with talking with people and making decisions. After about a week, the medicine would help and I'd be back to my normal self. The diagnosis of bipolar came this year after I asked my psychiatrist if I could begin weaning myself off the Celexa that I had been taking for nearly 2 years. We decided that I would take half of my dose and discuss the rest later. I took the 20 mg dose during Christmas break in Las Vegas, visiting my family. During this break, I was extremely focused on making blankets for my family, designing an interesting pattern for fleece blankets. During those three weeks, I made about 6 blankets for friends and family, staying up for hours making blankets and feeling really good about myself. My family and I would play games and open presents, and I would buy more fleece to make more blankets! I would stay up for hours at a time making these blankets.
About a month after this, my mom and I went to visit her brother, my uncle, in Mississippi. I was still feeling real good. Mom and I had a great time, and then I came back to my home. I became depressed and let my psychiatrist know. We increased the dose of Celexa back up to 4o mg. After a week, I was still not feeling better, and we increased the dose to 60 mg. At this point, my psychiatrist took a trip, and told me to text him to monitor my depression. I felt guilty for sending messages and sent some, but not enough for how I was truly feeling. After nearly 2 weeks, I was extremely depressed and the second I walked into his office after his trip, he could tell that I was not feeling well. He immediately added to my medication of Celexa. He added Wellbutrin. I shared with him that I felt guilty for texting. He told me that he expected a text from me daily, which I complied with. I started the new dose of Wellbutrin at 150 mg and then shortly after that went up to 300 mg. I didn't do too well on Wellbutrin. I became suicidal, having extreme suicidal thoughts, which I texted to my psychiatrist, especially when I had to drive long distances. I was extremely fortunate to have my father and psychiatrist expecting my arrival home one night as I felt extremely suicidal. They both were expecting a text back from me on my arrival home. When Wellbutrin didn't help situations, I was prescribed Remeron and taken off Wellbutrin, I was having a dysphoric reaction to Wellbutrin. Remeron did not help matters much, I continued to be depressed and was taking 60 mg of Celexa along with the Remeron dose.
After a week of depression, I began to feel hypomanic, except I didn't know that's what it was. I was staying up late and waking up early. I was making purchases impulsively and not really caring where the money was going to come from. At work, I became very goal directed and started working on the book room and kept purchasing bins, plastic bags, and labels for the book room. My whole life was the book room at that time. I let my principal know that I had just been diagnosed with Bipolar and that I really couldn't take a leave of absence to help my recovery except to continue to come into the school and work, because I knew thatl living alone would not help matters much. Since I was diagnosed, I've had numerous medications to help control the manic symptoms as well as the depressive symptoms. This journey of finding the right medications took nearly 4 months. I can't remember all the medications I was taking, but I had a new dose or prescription each time I went to the psychiatrist. I was happy that I was seeing a psychiatrist at this point because of the help I desperately needed at this point. I faithfully texted my psychiatrist daily, letting him know how I was feeling. I remember making a purchase of a carpet and a curtain rod so that I could transform my living room. I also remember that I wanted to change my house around. And that transformation was going to happen soon! I shared my ideas with my parents and they agreed that I would get more usage out of the rest of the house if I did that. I talked to everybody about my transformation! Hypomanic anyone?? I gave my credit cards to the person that was with me so that I would not spend carelessly, or I kept my wallet in the car so that if I wanted to purchase something impulsively, I would have to come out to the car to get my credit card. If I had to go to the car to get my credit card, I would have to think seriously about the purchase that I was about to make and if it was worthwhile. Most of the time, I just got in my car and went home. But having this system in place protected me more than I know. It helped me save some money.
After the hypomanic stage and my inital diagnosis of bipolar, I continued to be hypomanic until I started feeling depressed. The changes of medication were continual until we could find the right combination of medication so that I could feel better. Finally, the psychiatrist and I hit pay dirt, kinda, when I started taking Lamictal, Seroquel, and Celexa. The Celexa dose is increased or decreased depending on how I feel, more hypomanic or depressed. Lamictal is the medication that is the mood stabilizer for me. I am on 200 mg of Lamictal, Seroquel helps with both manic and depression. I am on 600 mg of Seroquel. The Celexa dose changes, but at the present time I am on 20 mg of Celexa and I'm feeling pretty good. I feel normal. I just started feeling "normal" just 3 weeks ago. I certainly had quite the roller coaster ride with medications and experiencing the ups and downs of bipolar. I always had to protect myself so that I would not put myself in a dangerous position. Knowing what would preciptate a hypomanic episode and a depressive episode has been quite the learning experience for me. Understanding that a depressive episode almost always follows a hypomanic episode, was eye opening. Making sure that I was protected in the event of a hypomanic or depressive episode was extremely important to me. I gave my psychiatrist's phone number to my dad and my sister. I reached out to several friends and told them what was going on and how I was feeling. They have been critical in knowing how I'm feeling for the day and have always made sure that I'm good.
I think several things protected me as I was going through these ups and downs. I told close friends about what was going on with me. I told my family about my diagnosis. I gave phone numbers of who to contact to some family members. I was proactive in protecting myself. If I was feeling suicidal, I would not allow sharp objects near me, giving them to family members instead. If I was feeling hypomanic, I would take steps to protect my money and spending.
So, that's my story of my diagnosis of depression and bipolar. I hope I can help someone else who is looking for information.
Hiking Girl
Since my diagnosis, I've read almost every single book written about Bipolar. I'm trying to follow the steps that are encouraged that help manage this disorder. It's been a whirlwind since I have been diagnosed of trying to figure out life with this life long disorder. Not that I'm worried that I won't be able to live with this, but how to effectively manage and live my life the fullest that I can. Sometimes, I do feel very depressed, this is more often than not. I also have periods of extreme hyperness (hypomanic) which happens every once in a while, but does happen especially when I'm feeling really good and have recieved tons of good news.
My story is this: I was first diagnosed as depressed almost 10 years ago. I was extremely depressed and was brought into the emergency room of the hospital. I had already made an appointment with a psychiatrist for January 11. It was now December 26 and winter break. I had a good 2 week wait before I could get in to see him, with nothing much to do during break. So, going into the emergency room and being admitted to the hospital was a good thing. The ER doctor had a few suggestions for me: go home with an appointment with a psychiatrist earlier than January 11 or to be admitted to the hospital for depression. I was suicidal and telling everyone to leave the house. One roommate I kicked out that night! He came back, during the time that I was in the hospital and I later apologized for doing that to him. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a week and a half. I met some interesting people in the hospital. At that time, the hospital saved my life. It kept me busy during the break with activities and I was well supervised as I was taking my first doses of medicine, Celexa. After nearly 6 days, I started to feel like my old self and more relaxed and able to be around people. I was discharged from the hopsital with 3 days left before school started again. I walked home, we lived about half a mile from the hospital. And had my first appointment with the psychiatrist that I met on January 11 and I am still seeing him today, nearly 10 years later.
Since that inital diagnosis of depression, I've had several (2) recurring episodes of depression. I would take my medicine for approximately 2 years, and then gradually stop them, with supervision. They would always come on for seemingly no reason, but I would feel the depression and not be able to do much at all. I lost concentration, could not problem solve, had issues with talking with people and making decisions. After about a week, the medicine would help and I'd be back to my normal self. The diagnosis of bipolar came this year after I asked my psychiatrist if I could begin weaning myself off the Celexa that I had been taking for nearly 2 years. We decided that I would take half of my dose and discuss the rest later. I took the 20 mg dose during Christmas break in Las Vegas, visiting my family. During this break, I was extremely focused on making blankets for my family, designing an interesting pattern for fleece blankets. During those three weeks, I made about 6 blankets for friends and family, staying up for hours making blankets and feeling really good about myself. My family and I would play games and open presents, and I would buy more fleece to make more blankets! I would stay up for hours at a time making these blankets.
About a month after this, my mom and I went to visit her brother, my uncle, in Mississippi. I was still feeling real good. Mom and I had a great time, and then I came back to my home. I became depressed and let my psychiatrist know. We increased the dose of Celexa back up to 4o mg. After a week, I was still not feeling better, and we increased the dose to 60 mg. At this point, my psychiatrist took a trip, and told me to text him to monitor my depression. I felt guilty for sending messages and sent some, but not enough for how I was truly feeling. After nearly 2 weeks, I was extremely depressed and the second I walked into his office after his trip, he could tell that I was not feeling well. He immediately added to my medication of Celexa. He added Wellbutrin. I shared with him that I felt guilty for texting. He told me that he expected a text from me daily, which I complied with. I started the new dose of Wellbutrin at 150 mg and then shortly after that went up to 300 mg. I didn't do too well on Wellbutrin. I became suicidal, having extreme suicidal thoughts, which I texted to my psychiatrist, especially when I had to drive long distances. I was extremely fortunate to have my father and psychiatrist expecting my arrival home one night as I felt extremely suicidal. They both were expecting a text back from me on my arrival home. When Wellbutrin didn't help situations, I was prescribed Remeron and taken off Wellbutrin, I was having a dysphoric reaction to Wellbutrin. Remeron did not help matters much, I continued to be depressed and was taking 60 mg of Celexa along with the Remeron dose.
After a week of depression, I began to feel hypomanic, except I didn't know that's what it was. I was staying up late and waking up early. I was making purchases impulsively and not really caring where the money was going to come from. At work, I became very goal directed and started working on the book room and kept purchasing bins, plastic bags, and labels for the book room. My whole life was the book room at that time. I let my principal know that I had just been diagnosed with Bipolar and that I really couldn't take a leave of absence to help my recovery except to continue to come into the school and work, because I knew thatl living alone would not help matters much. Since I was diagnosed, I've had numerous medications to help control the manic symptoms as well as the depressive symptoms. This journey of finding the right medications took nearly 4 months. I can't remember all the medications I was taking, but I had a new dose or prescription each time I went to the psychiatrist. I was happy that I was seeing a psychiatrist at this point because of the help I desperately needed at this point. I faithfully texted my psychiatrist daily, letting him know how I was feeling. I remember making a purchase of a carpet and a curtain rod so that I could transform my living room. I also remember that I wanted to change my house around. And that transformation was going to happen soon! I shared my ideas with my parents and they agreed that I would get more usage out of the rest of the house if I did that. I talked to everybody about my transformation! Hypomanic anyone?? I gave my credit cards to the person that was with me so that I would not spend carelessly, or I kept my wallet in the car so that if I wanted to purchase something impulsively, I would have to come out to the car to get my credit card. If I had to go to the car to get my credit card, I would have to think seriously about the purchase that I was about to make and if it was worthwhile. Most of the time, I just got in my car and went home. But having this system in place protected me more than I know. It helped me save some money.
After the hypomanic stage and my inital diagnosis of bipolar, I continued to be hypomanic until I started feeling depressed. The changes of medication were continual until we could find the right combination of medication so that I could feel better. Finally, the psychiatrist and I hit pay dirt, kinda, when I started taking Lamictal, Seroquel, and Celexa. The Celexa dose is increased or decreased depending on how I feel, more hypomanic or depressed. Lamictal is the medication that is the mood stabilizer for me. I am on 200 mg of Lamictal, Seroquel helps with both manic and depression. I am on 600 mg of Seroquel. The Celexa dose changes, but at the present time I am on 20 mg of Celexa and I'm feeling pretty good. I feel normal. I just started feeling "normal" just 3 weeks ago. I certainly had quite the roller coaster ride with medications and experiencing the ups and downs of bipolar. I always had to protect myself so that I would not put myself in a dangerous position. Knowing what would preciptate a hypomanic episode and a depressive episode has been quite the learning experience for me. Understanding that a depressive episode almost always follows a hypomanic episode, was eye opening. Making sure that I was protected in the event of a hypomanic or depressive episode was extremely important to me. I gave my psychiatrist's phone number to my dad and my sister. I reached out to several friends and told them what was going on and how I was feeling. They have been critical in knowing how I'm feeling for the day and have always made sure that I'm good.
I think several things protected me as I was going through these ups and downs. I told close friends about what was going on with me. I told my family about my diagnosis. I gave phone numbers of who to contact to some family members. I was proactive in protecting myself. If I was feeling suicidal, I would not allow sharp objects near me, giving them to family members instead. If I was feeling hypomanic, I would take steps to protect my money and spending.
So, that's my story of my diagnosis of depression and bipolar. I hope I can help someone else who is looking for information.
Hiking Girl
Monday, April 18, 2011
Accepting
I have accepted my bipolar disorder diagnosis. Now I'm moving on to what do I need to do in order to get better. On Friday, I started taking Seroquel. This medication is to reduce mania in bipolar patients. I was taking Saphris, which gave me terrible akathesia. Seroquel knocks me out, and I am waking up more well rested. I'm on a pretty high dose and I have tapered off the Saphris. So, I'll be giving the extra medication to my doctor along with the prescription card in case someone else needs to use it. In terms of the title of this post, I find that it's really alot easier to excuse myself if I can feel something just isn't right or if I "hit a wall" in conversation. Even though my friends may not be aware of what is going on, I tell them immediately if I feel that the bipolar is going to get in the way of an activity, especially since not everything is stable, yet. I've been extremely fortunate to have an incredible amount of support around me in terms of friends and coworkers. My family has been supportive as well, listening to my stories about everything. My dad is in town right now. I think the reality of the situation hit him hard. I was telling him about having to take the medication. He could see that I was in a manic stage, where I was talking super fast, jumping up and down for new things, being a tad distractible. So, as I was telling him that I needed to have some sleep, I've been waking up at 4am daily, and talking openly about my medication, dad starts to cry. Not once or twice, but a few times throughout the days that he is visiting. I think seeing the reality of the situation and realizing that I do have a disorder and it's not just something that I say I have. My other family members have been extremely supportive as well. Everyone wants to know if I am doing ok and continuing to check in with me, making sure that I'm doing well. In terms of medication, my psychiatrist changed Saphris 25mg to Seroquel 600mg. Right now I'm taking 25mg tablets 4 times a day. And taking 500 mg tablets right before bed. This medication has really helped me in making sure I get the sleep I need. So, right now the medical count is: Lamictal 25 mgs building up to 200mg Seroquel 25mg x4+500mg at bedtime Levothyroxin 75micromilligrams of this medication for Hypothyroid.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Feeling better
So as things get to be more stable, I'm feeling more like myself. I do have periods of time where I may be manic or depressed, but they are few and far between. The manic episodes are the most prevalent right now and are slowly going away. I feel calm and relaxed and more like myself each day. As long as I take my medicine, I should be fine. The first days of my diagnosis, I had alot of time to reflect upon being bipolar and how it may have manifested itself throughout my life. As I began to think, I realized that I may have always been bipolar at least in terms of being depressed and being diagnosed with depression. What a relief to find that what I've been experiencing is "normal" for a bipolar person. I have come to terms with this fairly readily and am now focusing on getting better. With getting better, I decided to come clean with my principal, W. I had told him initially of the depression, when I could tell that I wasn't going to get better any time quickly. So, I told W about the bipolar diagnosis. That was probably one of the best things I could have done for myself. W is extremely supportive of me and my work, completely understands why I can't take a LOA during this time, and only expects as much as I can do daily. He enjoys seeing me daily and always wants to make sure I am healthy and doing well. In terms of being better, I have noticed my manic symptoms to be very decreased. I can concentrate and focus on things for longer periods of time. I still have problems focusing after extremely long periods of time (like today after 7 hours of work). But for the most part after a nap I'm good to go and doing well. The medication that I take makes me very hungry and so now I'm eating my sister, S, out of house and home! I'm eating everything and nothing is too good. I also have akathesia, which is some weird restless body thing where I can't find a good position for my body. Luckily, if I time my medications right, I don't have to worry about this. I should be back in Chicago on Thursday.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
The Story
So, the story behind the bipolar 2 diagnosis... I had been depressed for about 3 months and nothing was working. All the antidepressants that I had tried were making me worse. I've been on Celexa in the past. At 20mg, I started getting depressed in the beginning, increased to 40mg, partial response, and then to 60mg, partial response. Added Abilify 10mg and Wellbutrin 150mg. Abilify at 10mg didn't do much, and Wellbutrin at 150 helped a tad, but then when it was increased to 300mg it was much worse. So about a month ago, I stopped both Wellbutrin and Abilify because it was determined that neither was helping me. Celexa isn't helping either. So as I'm in the midst of all this medication change, I'm feeling pretty good, almost on top of the world and impulsive! I bought a plane ticket to visit my sister in Philadelphia, without really intending to go anywhere for spring break. Hey, the fares were cheap! Spending money in fabric stores, hey the sales were good! Realizing that the racing thoughts in my head were part of bipolar was a huge symptom indicator for me. I didn't realize that racing thoughts and impulsivity were symptoms of something much larger. I've almost always been 3 steps ahead of everyone else, isn't that normal? The new part of this for me is the impulsivity and losing control of how much I'm spending. Now, I will give someone my wallet, or hide my wallet in the car so that I walk out of the store with what I was intending to go in only. Having the wallet in my car means that while I'm walking back to my car, I'll be thinking about my purchase and is it really necessary? This is helpful. Recently, it's gotten better and so I'm feeling good about that. The pdoc and I are trying to get the racing thoughts to stop before doing anything else. Medications I am on now: 5mg Saphris mid morning 10 mg Saphris about 5:30 10mg Saphris before bed 25 mg Lamictal (beginning of mood stablizer) in the morning. increasing to 200 over the next 2 months. 20mg Celexa (coming down off of antidepressants) in the morning. unrelated medicine: .075 mg of Synthroid in the morning. Saphris is a temporary drug to get me back to normal. I've noticed that it helps, but as you can see my sleep is disturbed. I've been up since 3:30am doing some schoolwork and interior design work that I'm looking forward to completing.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
A new adventure
Recently, I've been diagnosed as having bipolar 2 disorder. I'm not sure what this means or how it will affect me, but I'm trying desperately to act and be normal. It seems that there is a new normal now and that being bipolar will not allow me to reach that new normal state. Lately, I've been hypomanic. The symptoms of being hypomanic are that I need very little sleep, talk way too much, and I am extrememly goal driven. I also get distracted easier and after long periods of concentration or focus, I must get up and walk around. My pdoc is trying to get my antidepressant medicine cut down, so that I can start mood stabilizers for the bipolarness. I feel like this was all just at once, but in fact there is a bit of a history of it, which I'll probably go into another time, but for today, I will detail how I came to be diagnosed as bipolar 2. About 3 months ago, I started to have severe depression even though I was on 20mg of Celexa. I had been initially diagnosed as depressed for the past 9 years. I was in the process of being weaned off of the Celexa from 40 mg and my pdoc had approved this change. As I went from 40 to 20 I started to feel the symptoms of depression creep back. The pdoc immediately increased my medicine to 40 and quickly after that to 60mg of Celexa. The initial doses of Celexa worked, but I was still feeling very irritable and depressed. We added Wellbutrin and Abilify. Wellbutrin made me extremely suicidal and I probably should have ended up in the hospital, but I was able to make it through the thoughts. And Abilify just made me irritated with people and constantly move around. I could not stay still. Both of those medicines were stopped. I started Remeron. Remeron seems to be working but in conjunction with Abilify did not make me feel so great. I have felt OK with Remeron and Celexa and that's how the bipolar was diagnosed. Waking up at 3am although I had 2 Ambiens to help me sleep through the night. I was in a hypomanic state when I purchased a plane ticket to visit my sister during spring break impulsively and have been all over the place in terms of being goal directed, but I'm not able to finish any one task. I have all these half completed tasks all over the house. I went to see my pdoc and I was really excited to talk about my blankets that I've been working on and I told him about the impulsivity that I've been having. He goes into the bipolar questions ASAP. "Do you have racing thoughts?" Well yes, but doesn't everyone? "Do you have impulses that you can't control?" Yeah, that's new. "Do you find you don't need much sleep?" Yeah, that's new. "Do you have grandiose ideas?" I think so. "Do you have the feeling of being better than everyone else?" Sure, but I had a great visit to a school today. "I think you're bipolar 2", says the pdoc. "What do you think about that?" Are you kidding? I'm not going to be able to think about it much right now. I can't just turn off the bipolar diagnosis that I just heard and talk about feelings about it. So I don't. Instead, we talk about the need for new medication. Stay on Celexa and Remeron and add Saphris, a sublingual medication. Since I started Saphris, I've been able to feel my mood change a bit, but going to bed is quite the nightmare. It makes me toss and turn like crazy! So I continue to take the Ambien to help me sleep. This morning, I'm up at 3:30am and have been up since. I'm still looking for resources on Bipolar Disorder. I'm not sure what the new normal is with this disorder, and I would like to know. I've been fairly open with people about what is causing all these problems with me. Others notice that I am not acting like my old self, others know and see how I'm acting now. It was easier to tell people that I am depressed than to say I am bipolar. I feel like when you say that there is a big difference between the two. People understand being depressed. They don't understand being bipolar, which frustrates me.
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