Sunday, July 10, 2011

This effen sucks! ARG 2

This is the second time I'm typing this because the first one didn't get published! ARGH! It probably won't have the same kind of effect as the first post I typed, but I'll try to have the same effect.

I don't normally complain about being bipolar. But somedays it feels like I'm never getting anywhere with my symptoms and I'm always increasing or decreasing medications. Living with bipolar is a life long disorder and sometimes it just gets frustrating when after I think everything is going well, something new happens that I wasn't expecting. This is what happened last night and this morning.

So last night, I'm looking for recipes for meatloaf with cheese in it and macaroni and cheese. As I'm thinking and searching online, I'm feeling myself get a little excited. Now, for most people, this will come as a surprise, but my family knows this to be true, I am a good cook. I just don't cook for one person because it takes alot of energy to cook for one person. Anyway, back to the story. I decide to go to the store at 10:30pm to get mozzarella cheese and a variety of shredded cheeses for the macaroni and cheese. Now I'm a chef! This thinking happened so quickly!

I'm a chef and I have so much to prepare! I purchase chicken, panko, mozzarella cheese, shredded cheeses, eggs, pizza and pizza sauce, pepperoni, and sandwich meat. I left the store with 103.00 worth of food. When I got home, I immediately start preparing the pizzas, chicken in red vinagrette sauce, and cutting up the mozzarella cheese. I could not go to bed until all of the food was prepared that needed to be done last night. This morning, I started with making the egg bake that needs to sit in the refrigerator, the chicken and panko breading, cleared out the dishwasher, filled it back up. As the morning went on, I began to lose steam around cooking. I want to make the meatloaf and macaroni and cheese bake that I initially became so interested and obsessive. I am a chef!

So, this is just a tiny peek into what it is like for a bipolar person in a tiny manic state. I felt normal, right in the middle not manic or depressed, and this happened. I texted my doctor this morning and explained what was going on and he increased my dose to 2.5 tablets of lithium. This is 1125mg of lithium. And on Friday I will need to have my lithium levels checked. It sucks to have to always remember to take medicine at 36 years old for the rest of my life. I know some people have had to take medicine longer than I: for me this is a new phenomenon. I am not used to taking pills for the rest of my life for a life, long incurable disorder. Bipolar can be treated with medication, and it can be quite dangerous if I stop taking the medications that keep me "normal".

Medications: 200mg Lamictal, 100micrograms Synthroid, 600 Seroquel, 1125mg Lithium

Thanks for listening,

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